LIFESTYLE REVIEW: THE SIMPSONS AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
Amusement Park Gives 20-Year-Old Cartoon a $40 Million Check
The American economy is ailing, jobs are being cut, gas prices are rising, real estate prices continue to drop, and foreclosures are at an all time high. Yet Universal Studios, Hollywood somehow managed to spend $40 million on a new theme park ride based on a 20-year-old cartoon. “D’oh!” said Homer Simpson. “I don’t know how many zeros are in 40 million, but I know there is at least one, and that’s one too many!” I wonder if, before commenting on the ride, Homie hit his head on that 80-foot-tall domed screen during the ride’s first run on May 17th. However, the Hollywood movie and television theme park should enjoy a decent return on its investment, as name recognition of The Simpsons franchise alone will probably bring tourists through the turnstiles of Universal Studios in droves. Replacing the old Back to the Future attraction, The Simpsons Ride is based upon the low-budget Krustyland amusement park. Played out on the 80-foot dome screen–tall enough even for Marge’s towering blue hair–the ride is sure to please the cartoon’s aficionados and amusement park lovers alike. So while Universal executives expect to earn a profitable return on its $40 million investment, what kind of return will the tourist get for waiting in a two-hour, zigzagging line just to spend five minutes in a dark room to take a visual tour of a mythical theme park named Krustyland? For starters, “The Simpsons Ride” is a misnomer. It is more than just a “ride”–it is an adventure and an experience that grabs hold of every individual from the moment they arrive at the comical plot of land at Universal Studios that is graced by yellow-faced, bug-eyed cartoon characters. The very first sight is Krusty himself–specifically, a two-story high clown’s head, whose mouth doubles as an entrance to Krustyland. Upon walking through Krusty’s mouth, the tourist immediately experiences the parody of parodies–a fictional theme park within an actual theme park. This is where the tourist becomes a passenger and earns a return on his or her investment for waiting in line for a modestly short ride. In actuality, the snaking line becomes part of the ride itself. As the passenger is walking into Krusty’s mouth, the first thing they realize is that the walkway is actually his tongue. As they progress down his tongue and walk past his uvula, passengers are initially immersed with several large screens that are informative in nature, explaining the roots and origins of Krustyland–as if Disneyland or Six Flags had similar attractions. After passengers have a quick history lesson, the line actually ramps up to a second tier, which is a faux concession area called The Midway. Here, there are more screens but with more action. Passengers are offered fried sugar for $1 by Apu, the convenient store clerk who sells those tasty slurpees and popular pink-covered donuts with sprinkles. There is also a lost-and-found booth, operated by Selma and Patty, Marge’s older twin sisters who work at the Springfield Department of Motor Vehicles. Once the passenger survives that trio of characters, they are herded into a room with seven other passengers. In this room, called the Fun Room, passengers take in a short film on the life and times of Krusty the Clown. The storyline of the film is essential for the next phase of the ride, which is the ride itself. When the biopic is complete, all eight passengers are moved to the actual ride itself, which is an eight-person car that elevates to face the towering screen–just as it did when Back to the Future was an attraction in this very room. What happens next is a motion-simulated ride with a series of special effects that takes you through a condemned roller coast, a bouncing kiddie ride, a pirate ride rip-off, and finally, Krusty’s West and Smoky Stunt Show. After nearly five exhilarating minutes, the ride comes to a satisfying end, but not without two surprise endings (at least, for the first-time rider). At the end of it all, the passenger experiences The Simpsons as if they were in the cartoon itself. Indeed, the ride is worth the time waiting in line and the price of admission, so the Universal Studios executives are not the only ones earning an investment on their return. As for Homer, he is still trying to make sense of it all. “I just don’t get it,” he said. “Why would anyone stand in line to see a fake amusement park when they’ve already paid to enjoy a real one?!” All images courtesy 20th Century Fox
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